When a word

like abandon is perfect

moonlight goes unnoticed

admire the raves

serve the praise

for little kings who can’t breathe

because of flaming airplanes

dreaming of strawberry cake

Sometimes

I’m so sorry I brought you here

because you’re my only hope

I’m sorry you’re my hope

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How could her sadness end

She had the train

Bicycles

And a baby daughter

She had the fall into winter into

Early spring at the hospital

And then another hospital

Surrounded by redwood trees

He had ears that she hoped could hear her

He had a heart that was beating but she didn’t know if she’d ever see his eyes open again

There was a driver

And a crash

How could her sadness end.

She came to take photographs

ignored me

I sobbed

dark street chases leading to

dim lamp confessions

How do you make out on a bicycle?

Close your eyes

peddle your feet so fast

trees ripple

hold tight the handlebars

entwined with his

and kiss

It’s shooting starbursts

it’s a secret

They make a plan

that’s overheard through playhouse walls

I knew it

I knew it

I always knew it

shhhh quiet now

touch my face

and wake up

We could have been a team

better than anything

Layers of tulle are dusty

faded by sun

the fox never came to

illustrate wonder

and make her wander

the right way

Grief driving

she won’t find the right kind of donuts

lemons won’t be delivered

to your doorstep anymore

don’t ask

I thought she was heaven

from

the beginning

I never hated her

like I hated them

now I mostly hate him

So many hide in the pools

of their own perceived importance

it’ll be so long or maybe forever

probably forever

because you are the way you are

living under the unicorn

captured in beauty

making snow angels on

fragile ice ponds

while we are both thinking

the same thing,

“I’m right”

Get out of the bath

I know you don’t feel loved anymore

I wonder how she removes her clothes

when she’s alone

I subway

to his door

fifteen years in a step and

I’m so different now

Nothing better than Big

Big buildings

Big books

Big words

to express how we got here

you don’t have permission to hang out with my heart

can’t name all the things you’ve ruined for me

I sat on top of my car

on a cold foggy night

to wait

because that’s what

you wanted from me

what I was asked to do

but you lied

and lied

and lied

Remorse removes hours of pain

It’s helpful

human

and can bring peace.

I fear your map is drawn

he swallowed your compass

Measured time by picking blueberries

How many children you birthed versus how many you raised

What color is stardust?

You’ve cost me a lot of money, guest

I don’t have answers for you

Because I barely have answers for myself

 

Measured time by picking strawberries

Sparkling into relaxation

Stumbled into astonishment and lastly

Snuggling with dread

We need help

To get rid of him

I tip toe to my death

Moon watching 

Watching magpies and me

My brain feels enlarged as you lie

I scatter 

Little mice 

Up my spine into my hair 

The moon stays the same 

Mama please remind me 

How it shined for both of us

No matter where we are 

Saturated rainbow lorikeets 

Have died

My brain drowns