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Why are you mad that I don’t fall

over the size of an orange

an orange

an orange

Is gonna stick with me

You don’t need to see my bruises

the shape and color my skin makes

under the pressure of snakes

I think about tugboats- how strong they are

and then I wonder if you’ll look younger after he dies.

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In my mind you were stretched out like dough, I was too- I had done it to myself. already.

You generously brought the armored fox and pink eyes. Gold. soft and tired.

We didn’t bounce, we pulled- it didn’t hurt (I think we both didn’t want it to hurt anymore.)

I wore camouflage, but not to hide.

We bent time, shared raspberries, filled our space. without long limbs, it wasn’t enough (it couldn’t be) the most and only break was in the goodbye.

 

He said, “Honey, I’m so sorry but we can’t fight this.”

Across the street from this place in 1978 there was a little moment of paradise

a new cherry tree and a silly baby wearing her father’s leather gloves as slippers

There were once ocean dreams

rising over thoughtful flower gardens

But the hazardous body

does what the body wants and

a slow smoke had entered to stay.

 

He said, “Honey, you’re not going to make it out of here.”

She was soft

She was stalling

She definitively ordered,

“Resolve All Issues.”

She’s grey

with blue light

pulsing every last bit of life

around her final room

We feel our own floating feet

see her clear eyes

trapped under a breathing machine

She only wants a cold icy drink

and peace for the people she’s leaving

Give her what you can

Give her what you can

Why do you want to sit with me

In the rain

On the Fourth of July

And tell me I’m wonderful

ask questions about my life

and my heart

With a barely there fire

fireworks too soggy to light

You’re the first man I trust

You listen and make me feel that maybe

I’ll be alright

Under dark dripping trees

voices echo across the holiday lake

So why do you get angry over matching shirts

during a European summer

I was lead to believe we were close

That we could be lost together in ancient ruins in northern Spain

It’s no longer like the Fourth of July

Lilac fire, you grow

You climb

You cling

You let go

You won’t return to the burn

Pink fire, you smolder

You’re quiet

You’re strong

Your reach is high

Your reach is wide

Black fire, you do what you want

To the orange groves

To the avocado trees

To the horses

To the rabbits

Ash sky, I see you’re patient

I smell lavender smoke

I taste what has disappeared

I hear nothing from you

I wait

Made a deer from driftwood

I smile when I think of

The truth

I don’t like how you treat me

I don’t like how you make me feel

I was late for December

Sharp mountains

Made a journal of patience in the sky

A horizon read, “I was here.

I was calm”

It’s magic when New York feels small

I know each of your smiles

A prayer for sugar

warm cheeks

and cookies

To sustain the fox

Save the straps

I hear the winds of demise

It’s an unfulfilled clock

with a baby duck

And an unexpected

     miraculous champion

 

Hi hi hi!

Basically this list is made of the things that I either own and love, or places I shop, and things I want, and things I think are super fool-proof great gifts.

Miakodo – Slouchy pants, bramis, bodysuits, leggings and more in the softest fabrics. So dreamy.

You Think You Know Me – My game! Perfect gift for everyone in your life. Parents, teachers, grandparents, party hosts, siblings, secret Santa exchanges, co-workers, friends, you get the idea- it’s so fun! Available on Amazon (soon!), Uncommon Goods, my website, and more!

Nikes – The platform vandals sneakers. Help, I love them so much.

Adidas – I’m suddenly obsessed with adidas, inspired by Armie Hammer circa the Call Me By Your Name press tour days.

Sol de Janeiro – Bum Bum body cream because it’s thick and smells like vanilla caramel beach heaven.

Madewell – Perfect denim. Just try them on. Buy them on sale. Or bring in your old jeans for them to recycle and they give you a discount on your new pair.

Serena – I haven’t bought anything from Serena’s line yet so this is on my personal wish list. Maybe the pink dress? Everything looks so good.

CalPak luggage – Also on my wish list is this rainbow dream luggage by Oh Joy – why why why do I not already have this in my hands.

Herbivore Clothing Company – All your cruelty-free vegan shopping wishes under one roof and online!

Project Object – Jewelry, gifts, charitable, etc etc online and in their store!

buyolympia – Too many great artists to tell you are sold at this online utopia of gifts! They also have a store in Portland called, Land. My current fave: all things by Adam J. Kurtz.

Lee Coren – Her pink confetti pouch is on my wish list. This talented bag designer uses a vegan suede that is so soft, lux and special. Wow.

Nooworks – My collection of clothing from Nooworks is ever growing because I love a jumpsuit like I love life. Also, their bathing suits, leggings, and dresses! Go check them out if you don’t know because they also work with artists and have limited runs.

Lush – Perfection for all things indulgent in bath and body. You can’t go wrong here.

gimmeflair – Again, there is something for everyone here. What are you in to? GF has a patch or pin for that! And they pack each order with little gifts and magic! Get over there.

Time – Time to eat together, share a walk, a talk, a coffee, whatever –  can mean everything. I hope you all can connect to your own rad heart and to the people you love through this gifting friends and family season. Love you.

xo!
Ami