The end of summer makes me angry

like a stomping brat

I want to say no

I want to scream to the darkening days

I want to cry at the heat abandoning me

My ambitious glow is set on go

I’m angry at the shortened sun

I don’t care how delicious I think cinnamon and cloves smell

and taste

I won’t let you see how beautiful I know the colors are

in the sleeping trees

or how the orange air feels blue in my lungs

My first fit of disappointment will continue

until spring

(when I’ll appear a busy lion)

and I promise it’ll be worse in winter

loathing

my bleeding hands are chopped up with tiny cold axes

I wear layers over my cartooned skin

sweatshirts

warm hats

warm glares

I’d rather miss it in my soul than experience it

forget me not flowers

are magic

she’s in there

When the wind is fire

and the rain sounds like fire

orange lights on leaves – could be fire

headlights- definitely fire

Fire cracking

Fire popping

Fire exploding

when I hope

when I scream

when I whisper into your hair,

“the sirens are coming.”

“Why didn’t you fucking tell me you were going through this?”

he took down his double-stacked pants

to reach the vein

in front of a frosted window

that doesn’t open

slow and loose feet follows follows

no falls

compassion puffs smoke in the air

and dropping

dropping

dropping

into flight

peeking through paper ribbons

Remember when we reached

100 days?

I don’t wear blue too often

Do you listen the way you want to be heard?

the way you want

the way you want to be heard.

I need to talk about the fire

I need to talk about the fear

and bandaids.

When sloths fly

I’ll find the beginning of that dream.

Have you been to the beginning of a dream?

Did you breathe there?

Did you feel courage?

She thinks he’s been betraying himself

for his whole life

like a blur and a crash

and he’ll never ask,

“How have you loved?”

So when I saw the pink ocean in July

I chased it through the rain

to ask the question

for him

I can’t go home

I can’t change my name

I’m my only home

I spoke with the swans

they don’t blame anyone

who’s long

Who’s your nurse

Who’s praying for pain

braced and alone

my clothes sleep

inside a mirror where at night

the piano teacher’s ghost

makes the dog bark

The agreement they made

was not agreed on by me

the silence, the sweeping

the kidnapping of emotions-

bomb your barbies

I want to live

I want to really live

where the papayas grow

Be a sugar lion

a rose inside my heart

I ate salty foods to receive

the message

in a dream

I tried and I’m so tired

You deserve a trophy

for those understanding eyes

I ride your voice

like I ride a swing

like toes that touch clouds

and bellies that fall

I snuck a sugar cube

into my winter glove

but it wasn’t my wedding day

I told you

I’ve told you

I’ve known you before I met you

All I want is New York

in an inappropriate dress

and to forget which perfume I’m wearing

I’m the sidewalk

I’m the rocks

I’m the boulders in Central Park

I admire the puppies

(because they know the city better than I do)

And my heart never leaves this place

Sweating and swooning

at murals and taxis

and miscounting the blocks as I walk

My skin respects the memories

that know this isn’t mine

because we all belong here

like the dirt in the air

in the best city

I float

In jello sneakers

and my insides sparkle

because you call me

Tell me where I can’t go

Tell me what I shouldn’t do

She left you for herself and

When I recognize the narcissist in me

no longer heavy-eyed

my optimism grows from a well of pain

I’m a paper rhino trying to be friends

with a leopard

who turned into a blue-haired girl

The cost of comfort is more

than one blackbird’s life

I keep you away from me

So What If I Liked You

never was there a word for you

you’re a prophet?

You brought a caramel.

As each dish chips,

we’ll throw them away

until the cupboards are empty

there’ll be nothing left to use

nothing to eat from

nothing to pack

just aprons to burn

She’ll be ready for us to go then

(maybe she’s already ready)

the piano teacher’s ghost

I hope she’ll wish us well

the house emptied

and we’ll forever be grateful

for the home

that the purple swift built

Sharks biting bravery

Longing for someone’s laugh

that you love

A show of grace

A rainbow break

Paint on clothes

eating outside in a new green dress

it’s Friday

Sharks biting hope

I asked for spices that make you sweat

heart-shaped sunglasses

and promises

of a milk bubble tea for dessert

we’re in the sun like a tiger’s wedding day

Sharks biting comfort

until you see the magical thinking

on the inside

to know it’s special

to know it’s good

to know it’s so personal and universal all at once

Sharks biting love

you’re in the waters and

you are home

with a family that deserves to bloom

Today, I decided to be lucky

no need to tell me

How to write and format and even think about a wish list for 2020? Hello, this is hard- I see you and 2020 is, well no one’s first choice.

I usually like to make a list that’s full of my favorites plus things I would be grateful to receive and this year I’ll be adding some things I know are on their way but aren’t yet available at this date- but are coming soon. And at the end of this post is a list of artists I love and links. Okay- here we go.

Lush– I want and need more Snow Fairy in my life. I’ve realized my personal favorite way Lush makes this scent is the powder and I wish I could buy it in large quantities. https://www.lushusa.com/body/deodorants-and-dusting-powders/fairy-dust/9999906460.html Also the body spray is perfect- https://www.lushusa.com/fragrances/body-sprays/snow-fairy/9999908423.html

My wish list of books is too long but includes- Untamed by Glennon Doyle, Dolly Parton’s Songteller, How Emotions Are Made, The Green Witch, The Art of Gathering, I’m Still Here by Austin Channing Brown, Cosmic Care by Robin Eisneberg, Who Do You Think You Are by Alice Harman, Smoke Gets In Your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty, Everything is Spiritual by Rob Bell, Book of Questions, What Do You Do With A Chance, What Do You Do With a Problem, Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst, Know My Name by Chanel Miller, Feel it Out by Jordan Sondler, and last but not least – Resistance by Tori Amos. TOO MANY BOOKS.

I love and always recommend Sol de Janeiro products because I’m obsessed. https://soldejaneiro.com/

I also love perfume and I have three top favorite brands that never go wrong- Olo https://olofragrance.com/, Maison Louis Marie (in particular number 4 is my favorite) https://maisonlouismarie.com/products/no-04-bois-de-balincourt-perfume-oil and Imaginary Authors https://imaginaryauthors.com/ (my current favorite is their collab with Salt & Straw which I begged my partner to buy and give to me the weekend we learned it existed. I’m annoying and impatient and was too excited.) https://imaginaryauthors.com/products/a-whiff-of-wafflecone. Perfume is life.

This aggressively sensitive t by Ambivalently Yours is so good- I mean sharks, flowers, and sentiment – all winners for me. https://www.etsy.com/listing/894756546/aggressively-sensitive-t-shirt?ref=shop_home_active_2&crt=1

Herbivore Clothing https://www.herbivoreclothing.com/ favorites include their stay at home champion sweats and soaps from Perennial.

It makes me extra extra bummed to not be visiting LA for the holidays because I’d be racing to this pop-up and buying a lot of stuff from the Beachwood Boutique for myself and family and friends. https://www.instagram.com/beachwoodboutique/

Can I put my games on the list right here in the middle? https://pinktigergames.com/ Pink Tiger Games is up and I’m taking your orders! I also absolutely love and want for you to purchase wherever it’s most convenient for you. Store lists are updated on IG the most, and available in my saved stories: https://www.instagram.com/pinktigergames/. And if you’d like to go directly to read about each game you can find Flatter Me here: https://flatterme.cards/. And You Think You Know Me here: https://youthinkyouknowme.cards/. Sorry, one more thing- if you sign up for my Pink Tiger Games mailing list you’ll be the first to know about what’s coming up next!

I really want to try this product from Krave, Great Barrier Relief https://kravebeauty.com/collections/shop-all/products/great-barrier-relief because Rhian https://www.instagram.com/rhian_hy/ says it’s awesome and I believe everything she says because her recs are always spot on. And she opened ytykm and Flatter Me recently on this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYL9xCtvpM0&t=1220s and I cried hi hello do you know me.

I really want and need a selfie light for filming talks, zoom, product photos, videos and more. Is this all one light? Does anyone know? Here for your suggestions for sure.

Going back to games for a second- I really want some Pink Tiger Games merch because the logo Marlowe Dobbe https://www.instagram.com/marlowedobbe/ created for me brings me a lot of joy.

This cloud set with a cropped sweatshirt and cozy pants from Naclo Apparel looks incredibly good and the prices on everything are too good to be true. https://www.shopnaclo.com/product-page/the-cloud-set

Dreamy dress from Fashion Brand Company that I kind of want to splatter paint all over: https://www.fashionbrandcompany.com/collections/new/products/the-virgin-gown-mini

My Adam JK list includes this sweatshirt: https://shop.adamjk.com/collections/apparel/products/good-things-embroidered-sweatshirt and this t: https://shop.adamjk.com/collections/apparel/products/do-what-you-love-t-shirt and also this sweatshirt: https://shop.adamjk.com/collections/apparel/products/feelings-crewneck and definitely his tarot deck: https://shop.adamjk.com/collections/featured/products/the-ok-tarot-deck.

All I want is to feel cozy because I’m cold all of the time so these socks from Barefoot Dreams look great to me: https://www.barefootdreams.com/products/cozychic-youth-socks

This top from People of Leisure looks perfect in every way that I love- puff sleeves, crop, soft fabric- yes yes yes: https://peopleofleisure.co/collections/tops-and-tanks/products/the-jade?variant=36353609236643 And thanks to A Small Closet https://www.instagram.com/asmallcloset/ for sharing this brand because I hadn’t heard of it!

How many sweatshirts can I wish for wow- these are from Phenomenal Woman: https://phenomenalwoman.us/collections/ambitious-collection/products/ambitious and another https://phenomenalwoman.us/collections/new-products/products/pro-science-pro-dolly-crewneck-sweatshirt.

Oh look, another sweatshirt I own from Gender Reveal and it’s perfect and can highly recommend to you. https://teespring.com/surf-shark-hoodie?tsmac=store&tsmic=gender-reveal&pid=212&cid=5842

Coming soon – a new Andre Aciman book of essays! These hair clips by Sara Lyons which I think will be arriving this week – https://www.instagram.com/p/CHbFTfkFOiP/. And this book by some awesome Portland people coming in 2021: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/639453/the-portland-book-of-dates-by-eden-dawn-and-ashod-simonian/.

In closing- I love tattoos, trips to Hawaii and New York and LA, ridiculous emotional dresses, working out, perfume, the darkest chocolate on earth, shopping secondhand on The RealReal https://www.therealreal.com/, making games, writing, reading, research, being warm, staying healthy and at home, and good vegan foods- but mostly desserts.

I love you and I miss you. Be safe. Be well. And I’m here if you need me.

xo- Ami

p.s. Some artists I love: Kinoko Gallery http://kinokogallery.com/. Shanalee Hampton https://shanaleehampton.bigcartel.com/. Fiona Hewitt https://www.fionahewitt.com/. Whitney Marie Anderson https://whitneymarieanderson.com/. Jordan Sondler https://shopjordansondler.com/. GDBEE Art https://gdbee.store/.