Racing the birds
I smile easily
I never care to win
he has so many smiles
I hope to always know them all
Does he know he’s the best
Does he know how grateful I am for his existence, his love
What kind of place
do we pay everyday
with whose wings
What did little Rose possibly want
that you couldn’t give her
so you forgot to save her life
(We could have saved her life)
What will happen next
for a baby goat
when a 7 year old child leaves too early
it’s not her fault

When a girl showed up

She didn’t know

She wasn’t wanted

But her skin knew

So through the years the message traveled to her heart

She could still pretend better than anyone

She could forget and forgive so well she deserved a little trophy

Until he said it

Over tiki drinks and tears, “I didn’t fight for you. I didn’t know what to do with a girl.”

Like one hundred spinning tiny painted cocktail umbrellas (doubly stolen)

by this tropical themed bar,

she felt them pierce her

she didn’t move

hoping this moment would disappear, that her eyes wouldn’t reveal the soul ache

of this truth

that truly didn’t need to be said.

Stolen was the experience of her being loved by him.


I’m always more afraid of death in summer

Sticky feet fail to feel the earth

misplaced life jackets

it’s so dangerous

in sad currents

where cold is welcomed but frightening

but cold

but welcome still and I’m alone

no more stars and hearts to round out the sentimental request

that could maybe

bring you home

Looks like New York

Smells like Barcelona

Reality is more real

when death has made a close visit

Can I admire you and forget?

Remember you but pass clouds without care?

How do you measure this familiar disappointment along with

bright lights

and a hunger

to be big

I’m not the receiver any more

It’s fine

It’s better

She drowned

I’m the river

or maybe the paper doll

who lost all of her clothes

It’s fine

It’s better

for us both


The feelings and memories remain

in the bones

blood stars shooting

I wouldn’t have the chance to forgive before death

I wouldn’t know where I was or what time even is

ears gasping from explosions

as nothing

Two weeks ago I finished 4 weeks of a program based on Bret Contreras’ work. For the last two weeks I modified it to a few different moves and increased weight in some lifts. Below are the changes from where I ended November 8th and where I am as of today, the 22nd. Slowly trying to reach my pre-car accident numbers. Little turtle. Coming right along. xo.

Height 4’11” Weight 106lbs

Back Squat: 3×5 120lbs to 1×1 145lbs.

Weighted Chin-ups: 3×5 10lbs. Swithed to Pull-ups 3×5 with 15lbs.

Deadlifts: 3×5 155lbs to 1×1 200lbs.

Dumbbell Rows: 3×12 & 3×8 15lbs to 35lbs. Changed to renegade rows at 3×6 35lbs.

Hip Thrusts: 3×10 & 3×5 135lbs to 235lbs. Changed to 3 times per week and didn’t test.

Military Press/Push Press: 3×8 & 3X5: 50-65lbs varying. Now at 75lbs Push Press.

Chin-ups: 3x AMRAP: 9 reps. Switched to Pull-ups: 3X10.

Bench Press: 3×8 & 3×5 at 85lbs to 1×1 100lbs.

Dumbbell Bench Press: 3×10 15lbs to 30lbs. Didn’t test.

CW for body talk.

On Sunday, October 13th a trainer that I follow on Instagram, Bret “Glute Guy” Contreras posted a 5 days a week training schedule- it was short and sweet and would help direct and focus my time in the gym so I decided to commit to it for 4 weeks. Below is my strength progress at the start and at the finish, mostly for my own records, but just in case it’s useful or interesting to anyone else I wanted to share it!

Also of note, I was in a car accident in June this year and I had to avoid weights for over three months while going to the doctor three times a week. This was hard for me, as it would be for anyone, but I had been doing Crossfit for about eight years usually 5 to 6 days a week so this impacted my whole self. I wanted and needed my reentry to the gym to be very careful so I’ve listened to everything my chiropractor has told me to do and not to do. I’m so so happy and appreciative to my friends at the gyms, at the doctors, in real life and online for all of the support. I’m so grateful to be feeing my muscles in a happy way again. So here we go.

Week one began Monday, October 14th and week four ended on Friday, November 8th.

Height 4’11” Weight 106 lbs

Back Squat: 3×5 start 90 lbs to 120 lbs.

Weighted Chin-ups: 3×5 0 lbs to 10 lbs.

Deadlifts: 3×5 125 lbs to 155 lbs.

Dumbbell Rows: 3×12 & 3×8 15 lbs to 35 lbs.

Hip Thrusts: 3×10 & 3×5 135 lbs to 235 lbs.

Military Press/Push Press: 3×8 & 3X5: 50-65 lbs varying.

Chin-ups: 3x AMRAP: 6 to 9 reps.

Bench Press: 3×8 & 3×5 65 lbs to 85 lbs.

Dumbbell Bench Press: 3×10 15 lbs to 30 lbs.

“I think what I hope that they will personally like are the love stories in it, because I do believe in love, though I don’t like to use the word. The fundamental message of the book is just about love, really. But it’s also about time. It’s the fact that our lives are very short. I don’t believe in death. I think death’s a terrible thing. I don’t accept it, and we all have to fall away. What could we do knowing that life is going to end at some point? That’s the beauty of love. It goes to the end. Once we’re gone, we’re going to forget that we have loved people. That’s the worst of it. Not that people will forget us, that we won’t have a memory of anything. We won’t even have dreams to remember anything. Those are terrible things.”- Andre Aciman on Find Me

Portland is filled with great coffee, food, and beauty. Here are some of my favorites. DM me with any questions. And I really hope you have an amazing time in Portland and magical experiences at XO!

Food Coffee Smoothies:

SE: Dinger’s Deli, Rudy’s Pizza, The Sweet Hereafter, Maruti, Fermenter, Kati Thai, Best Friend, Virtuous Pie, Kure, Aviv, Canteen, Pokemon, Nostrana, Pyro Pizza, Food Fight

NE : The Bye & Bye, Sudra

SW: Ichiza, Departure

NW: Deadstock

Shopping: Herbivore (SE), Tender Loving Empire (multiple locations including the airport!), Powell’s (NW), Lisa Congdon Art & Illustration Shop (N), Unspoken (NW), Outlet (NE), Olo (SE), Palace (E), Seven Sisters (E), Little Otsu (SE)

Walks: N Mississippi Avenue, SE Hawthorne Boulevard, E & W Waterfront including the Hawthorne Bridge, SE Mt. Tabor Park, SE Laurelhurst Park

PS If you want to buy You Think You Know Me it’s available in Portland at Powell’s, Herbivore, Guardian Games, Land, Tender Loving Empire (downtown & airport locations), and Red Castle! (((Or you can buy it directly from me and I’ll probably cut you a sweet deal.)))  Thank you! xoxoxoxoxo!