She traces the lens 

Repeating what if

What if 

What if 

I’m gonna borrow her voice 

because 

She never imagined she’d bury him

five days after her birthday 

Forget and fly 

How many bad calendar days 

will you provide 

How many stirred paintings 

have heard your stories 

The dear dog shakes his head in disbelief 

The most pathetic you 

who soars to watch others rot 

Resist the urge to trust 

Butterflies are still beautiful upside down 

What happened

I am loved 

I am loved 

I am loved 

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I got no problem with you spider

or the garbage man outside

I can say with certainty that five and ten years from now I’ll be

so red

from things I’ve said

I wonder if mountains can be evil

if hiding marbles can be magic

She threw my glasses after ripping them from my face

She touched me and told me not to tell

I was scratched backstage

laughed at for attending to my best

Why do my friends want to die?

You told me the news without coming close

my brain sees pink on the inside

I’m sad the yes is gone

I layer my lipstick

he was alive 8 minutes ago

Gonna line my eyes with chocolate glitter

think about disappearing

how you made me an infant

dishwater is her date

stop the record

stop the bleeding

wear the bracelet you bought on vacation to keep the pretending alive

here on my star it’s okay,

           it’s all a dream

Swimmers in my guts

ache and drown

Knowing the mushrooms are growing

no matter how hot the sage burns

words are my deepest breaths

wearing a unicorn uniform

Why would I want you dead?

Why would I want you dead?

Why would I want you dead?

Almost dead

fewer grains

fewest grabs

learn your trade

you had to save her back

given the gift 

to return the favor

After leaving a few socks

alongside your kids 

forgotten in dresser drawers

Plays out on the desert stage

Peaches have gone out of season

think of your affair

you can’t dig sand, baby

you can’t touch a cactus

you won’t see water or roots

and water won’t see you

But the children knew

you idiots,

the children knew

You should

know better

than to make

another human essential

drag this damaged anchor

plowing the sea floor

the more

I honor you

the more you

ignore

write it

gain praise

she’ll hide it

your sparkle lips

can’t sink no ships

these dead ladies

won’t tell no tales

There is no heaven

I’m in her eyelashes

her halo hair is soft and sparse

we dress in prepackaged grass skirts and fraying fabric leis

her yellow bikini matches her skin

and the grace filled sun

Aloha

Cocoa lives forever

Cocoa’s last memories are tropical

laughing with a little redhead girl with oversized glasses

Skinny and slight she was still alive in Hawaii

polite

kind

at ease in her sick

On island’s watch

Cocoa swam

Cocoa danced under palm trees

Heated wind brought us home

we wrote letters

they soon stopped

My first friend who died was

7 to my 5

Here is a placeholder

for the thoughts in your heart

for late night talks

watching the stars time out

wish they were sloths

throwing innocent dragons in the air

pretending to be monsters

now monsters we know

are really there

my arms will always hold you like my baby

pray my words are always

with you

what you need to hear

love filled

love guided

help you climb your own mountains

descend the other side

your fears are human

your heart is the biggest

comedy

suicide

heated earth 

feelings with muscle 

flag your worries

negativity hurts your delighted soul

we search

and search

and search

to find our smiles

find your dreams

sweet child

find your dreams