when i gave birth to eliot 2 1/2 years ago it was the most intense and magical time i've ever experienced. i fell so deeply in love and felt so protective of my tiny new baby. i was scared and fierce at the same time. i remember feeling torn apart from this world where people hurt each other. because here i was, my body open and bleeding, nature taking over to contract my uterus and feed my child. and when breastfeeding didn't come easy i was devastated but i kept trying. at the end of 3 months i had to stop pumping but that's another story. so, i read the news online and watch cnn and there is war and genocide and animal cruelty and rape and countless other strings of horrible actions. and these thoughts are what plagued me those first months of eliot's life. i brought a child into this world. it was my choice and i know how deeply lucky i am, i do live a sorta fairytale. but i just couldn't help dwelling on the fact that all over our planet women are giving birth and they love their babies just as i love mine and we are still so awful to each other. so much fear comes out because all that love makes us feel what, too open, vulnerable and scared?
until we're willing to use our gut, our intuition when fear is needed and use our love for absolutely everything else, until then the world can just seem very scary.

"we are the children of children and we live as we are shown."~ the chief in joe versus the volcano

and so i prefer to show my child the love in this world and i hope to inspire him by example. i want his "heart to swell and burst" (also from joe) and i want him to be thankful for his life and remember that there is so much we don't know so it is best to be amazed and fall in love with all the magic and passion he can find.

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