Archives for posts with tag: grandma

Show us a treasure.

i treasure this moment and i think about it a lot. i took this picture at the last moment on the last day i spent with my grandma. the things she said to eliot, andy and me are in my heart but something made me grab the camera and take this shot. and i'm so glad i did. i can feel, hear and almost embrace everything over again in this picture when i see it.

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so life is endlessly coming to an end. full of transitions, choices and beginnings. i was thinking today that everything seems much more clear when you're pushed so far that you have to let go. when you have no other option in whatever the choice or change that is upon you, you have to step back and let go. why and how can this be so useful, painful and challenging? i tried to let go today, just a little, and everything in a quick quiet moment was clear. my mind felt open and my eyes filled with tears as i sat in traffic and eliot was listening to they might be giants here come the abcs. and then it was gone.

my grandma amelia has been given a few more days to live, even though seven weeks ago she was given one to two weeks to live, this seems like this is going to happen soon.

in this ending i want and need to find the gifts and the love that are endless. the things that make you live forever. from the way she stood, she speaks and she's living. she's always said, "that just tickles me" and "god bless 'em" and rattling off grandkids names when we were little she always ended with 'josephine' (even though there was no josephine.)   how she's wise, strong, solid and relaxed. she's deep, sweet and full of love. she's fair, funny and easy to be with. and the way she is letting go of this life. and as she lets go will she have a moment that is clear and filled with beauty? and will it last forever?

the last time we spoke on the phone i told her i was just thinking about her and wanted to call and she replied brightly, "thanks, do it again!" and i said i would and i told her i loved her and she said the same. and i will.

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today is the one year anniversary of my little blog, and my hubby has yet to link to me.

eliot has a cold. i have an ear problem. my grandma is 4 1/2 weeks into her doctors telling her she has a week to two weeks to live. i've spent probably more then 2 hours so far, just today brainstorming with loved ones about the future. andy went into work late like for the fifth day this week. my food from cafe soulstice has already expired and i just bought it yesterday, i'm afraid my cooler is not as good as i thought, especially in this heat. my blood pressure was 106/64 at the doctor this morning and i wish i could hear out of my right ear. that's all for now. i just had to post something on my heartshapedsky vox blog today.

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Flaxen hair blowing in the breeze
It is time for the geese to head south
I have come with my mustard seed
I cannot accept that she will be taken from me

Do you know who I am� she said
I'm the one who taps you on the shoulder when it's your time
Don't be afraid
I promise that she will awake

– wrap yourself around
the Tree of Life
and the Dance of the Infinity
of the Hive –
take this message to Michael

I will comb myself into chains
In between the tap dance clan
and your ballerina gang
I have come for the Beekeeper
I know you want my
You want my Queen –
Anything but this
Can you use me instead?

In your gown with your breathing mask
Plugged into a heart machine
As if you ever needed one
I must see the Beekeeper
I must see if she'll keep her alive
Call Engine 49
I have come with my mustard seed

Maybe I'm passing you by
Just passing you by girl
I'm passing you by
On my way
On my way
I'm just passing you by
But don't be confused
One day I'll be coming for you
I must see the Beekeeper
I must see the Beekeeper

tori amos

i'm much more peaceful then these song lyrics imply, but the frustration and sadness are mine. the unknown is well, unknown. we all wait. we've all gotta live well while we take our sweet time in our every day life and wait.

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What are the 5 words that best describe your life right now?
Submitted by mojito.  


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What websites do you visit every day?
Submitted by Chez Michelle.

andy just set up google feedreader for me. in fact he insisted upon it. telling me i just had to have it. well, now it's like  crack and my computer time has just gotten out of hand. i have a love/hate relationship with this concept. andy said it would save time but what has happened is he set my computer up with every single shopping-food-entertainment-blah-blah-blah blog i've ever bookmarked. it's crazy.

i read… tori amos stuff, shopping stuff, gossip stuff, vegan food stuff, fitness stuff, treehugger…. the list is long.

clothing: belle and sebastian tee today. yesterday green hoodie.

feeling pretty blue today my grandma amelia is in the hospital. just been waiting by the phone for updates.   

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